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Grief—messy, painful, unpredictable, and deeply human. It shows up uninvited, reshaping our lives when we lose someone or something we hold close to our hearts. If you’ve ever wondered how to deal with grief, you’re not alone. Everyone experiences it differently, yet everyone searches for the same thing: a way to not just survive it, but eventually live with it.
This guide walks through the layers of grief, practical strategies, emotional realities, and healthy coping mechanisms to help you out the next time grief is around the corner.
Understanding Grief
Grief is more than sadness—it’s an all-encompassing emotional, psychological, and physical experience. It might feel like an emotional storm one day and numbing silence the next.
It often comes with conflicting emotions: guilt, relief, confusion, or even anger. This is why experts emphasise that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief.
The Science of Grief
From a psychological perspective:
- Grief is the brain and body’s natural response to loss.
- Neurological research shows that grief activates regions in the brain linked to both pain and memory.
- Cortisol levels (the stress hormone) often spike, which explains fatigue, brain fog, and sleep disruptions.
Common Misconceptions
- “Grief follows clear stages.” While Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are helpful, not everyone follows them neatly. Life isn’t as linear as textbooks.
- “You should move on quickly.” Grief doesn’t operate on a deadline. For some, it feels like a lifelong companion that changes shape over time.
- “Crying is weakness.” Nope. Crying is a biological release and a sign of strength—you’re facing emotions rather than bottling them up.
Types of Grief
Not all grief is the same. Understanding the type you’re experiencing can sometimes make it feel less isolating.
Anticipatory Grief
Occurs before the actual loss. For example, watching a loved one battle a chronic illness. It mixes mourning with caregiving, hope, and dread.
Disenfranchised Grief
When society doesn’t validate your pain. It can happen after losing a job, a pet, or in cases where relationships weren’t publicly acknowledged. The lack of recognition intensifies loneliness.
Complicated Grief
Also known as Prolonged Grief Disorder, this occurs when grief doesn’t ease but instead amplifies over time, disrupting daily life for months or years. Professional help is crucial here.
Stages of Grief: The Emotional Rollercoaster
Grief is not just sadness—it comes with a cocktail of feelings.
Anger
It might come out as frustration with life, medical systems, or even the loved one who passed. Anger is common, but it’s what you do with it that matters.
Guilt
Thoughts like “I should’ve done more” or “what if I had…” replay endlessly. Guilt often needs reframing: decisions you made were with the best knowledge at the time.
Anxiety
Loss reminds us how fragile life is. Sometimes grief adds a layer of existential dread: if this happened, what else could?
Relief
Not often talked about, but very real—especially in cases involving long battles with illness. Relief does not mean you loved less. It means you’re human.
How to Deal With Grief
So let’s get to the heart of it. The million-dollar question: how do you deal with grief in real life? Not the glossy self-help Instagram version with inspirational sunset quotes, but the raw, messy, imperfect navigation of everyday life after loss.
The truth is, grief doesn’t come with a handbook—but it does come with possibilities. There are healthy ways to endure it, carry it, and slowly reshape life around it.
Give Yourself Permission
The first and arguably most underrated step is permission—permission to grieve, to cry, to feel numb, to laugh at a memory, and to not have it all together. Society often equates “strength” with choking back emotions, but in reality, true strength is in facing them. Grief isn’t a weakness to conceal; it’s love trying to find a new form of expression. Allow yourself to hurt—it’s proof of what mattered to you.
Create a Support System
Humans evolved as social beings. We’re wired for connection, especially in moments of pain. Navigating grief alone can deepen isolation, while shared space with trusted people lightens the load. A support system can include:
- Friends and family who don’t just give advice, but sit in the silence with you.
- Grief support groups where people get it because they’ve been there.
- Professional therapy is necessary when emotions feel relentless and overwhelming.
Not every listener will be the right one. Some may unintentionally minimise your pain. That’s why it’s important to gravitate toward those who validate rather than dismiss.
Routines That Anchor You
When grief hits, days can blend into each other, stripped of meaning or direction. That’s where anchors—small and consistent routines—become invaluable. They don’t erase grief but create a sense of stability amidst chaos. Some anchors could be:
- Walking at the same time every morning, letting your body move when the mind doesn’t feel like it.
- Journaling before bed to unload thoughts instead of carrying them into anxious dreams.
- Cooking simple yet nourishing meals instead of skipping food—it signals to your body that it’s still worth caring for.
Consistency breeds calm when emotions are unpredictable.
Rituals of Meaning
Loss often feels like a ripped connection, but rituals allow you to maintain a thread. Humans have always used ritual to transform chaos into coherence. Whether it’s lighting a candle, framing a photo, visiting a favourite shared place, or even writing annual letters—it’s about creating continuing bonds rather than severing them.
Psychologists call this the continuing bonds theory, which shows that maintaining symbolic connections with the lost person can ease adjustment.
Practical Coping Strategies
Now, let’s go deeper into the practical tools that help manage the daily heaviness. Think of grief as a mountain—you can’t bulldoze through it, but you can hike it with the right gear.
Journaling
Grief often clutters the mind with unspoken words. Journaling creates an outlet: write letters to your loved one, document your feelings, or even scribble nonsense. Studies have shown that expressive writing lowers stress hormones and improves emotional processing.
Movement
Exercise isn’t a magic remedy for loss, but it’s a proven way to regulate grief’s physical toll. Even light movement—like stretching or a short walk—boosts serotonin and reduces the floods of cortisol released by stress. Think of it as giving your body small lifelines of balance.
Mindfulness and Meditation
When thoughts spiral into "what ifs" or overwhelming blankness, mindfulness offers grounding. Breathing exercises, guided meditations, or even body-scan techniques help anchor awareness to the present moment. Apps like Headspace or Calm provide structured support, especially for beginners.
Creative Outlets
Grief is heavy because words often fail it. That’s where art, music, writing, or photography come in. Creative expression bypasses language and communicates emotions in ways logic can’t. Whether you paint a storm or write a messy poem, these outlets honour the complexity of your inner world.
Therapy
Professional support can be life-changing. Therapists trained in grief use approaches such as:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Reframing unhelpful thought loops that arise during grief.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): Particularly helpful if grief is layered with trauma.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Learning to live fully without erasing feelings of loss.
Therapy doesn’t shorten grief, but it equips you with tools to navigate it without drowning.
Grief and Physical Health
Loss doesn’t stay inside the heart—it affects your body.
- Sleep disruption is one of the most common symptoms.
- Appetite can swing from no hunger to emotional overeating.
- Research shows a higher risk of heart health issues after bereavement (“broken heart syndrome” is very real).
Tips for balance:
- Prioritise hydration.
- Eat balanced nutrition (even if appetite is low).
- Practice gentle physical activity daily.
This isn’t about linear steps or quick-fix strategies—it’s about building a toolkit of emotional honesty, supportive connections, stabilising routines, meaningful rituals, and practical coping methods. Grief doesn’t vanish, but with time and the right anchors, it changes form. It integrates into your life story, reshaping but not erasing love.
Supporting Someone in Grief
What Helps
Saying “I’m here for you” instead of pushing fixes
One of the most powerful sentences in the English language is also the simplest: “I’m here for you.”
People grieving are rarely looking for solutions—they’re not expecting you to fix the loss, because it can’t be “fixed.” What they want is presence. A text, a call, a visit—these small but gentle reminders anchor them back to the world when everything else feels like it’s falling apart.
Small, practical gestures
Grief doesn’t just sit in the heart; it spills into everyday functionality.
Tasks like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, or caring for children can feel impossible when emotional energy is running on empty. That’s where practical compassion comes in. Cook a meal. Take out the trash. Drive them to an appointment. Offer to grocery shop together. These everyday acts often speak louder than vague reassurances. It’s about showing support in action, not just in words.
Listening without judgment or timeline
One of the most healing gifts you can give is to listen. Not the “half-scrolling through your phone” kind of listening, but intentional, full attention.
When grieving, people talk; they sometimes repeat stories, cycle through memories, or express conflicting emotions. Avoid imposing timelines with phrases like “shouldn’t you feel better by now?” Instead, communicate patience. Say things like:
- “Tell me about them.”
- “What’s been the hardest part of this week?”
- “I’m here anytime you want to talk—even if it’s the 100th time.”
This validates their grief without rushing them through it.
What Not to Say
“They’re in a better place.” (Minimises pain.)
While the intention behind this statement is usually kind, it often misses the mark. For someone grieving, the best place their loved one could be is right here. This phrase can feel like you’re dismissing their sadness or invalidating the depth of their pain. Respect the fact that grief is about absence and longing—it’s important to acknowledge what has been lost rather than try to reframe it too quickly.
“Time heals all wounds.” (Not universally true.)
Time doesn’t automatically heal grief; it reshapes it. Grieving people don’t want a countdown clock. What helps is knowing time will change how the pain feels, but it doesn’t erase the significance of loss. Instead of offering blanket statements, express patience: “I know there’s no set timeline, but I’ll walk with you at your pace.”
“At least you…” (Comparisons in grief rarely helps.)
“At least you had those years together.” “At least they didn’t suffer.” “At least you’re young enough to have another child.” These sentences, though meant to comfort, ironically create guilt and shame. They pressure the grieving person to feel “grateful” when what they’re truly feeling is devastation. Comparisons minimise pain. Instead, centre empathy: “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m here.”
The Golden Rule of Support
A good guiding principle is this: support is about listening and showing up, not offering solutions or silver linings. Grief is not something you fix; it’s something you accompany.
Sometimes the most powerful support is not the perfect words, but presence—the meal on their doorstep, the text that says “thinking of you,” the silence shared without pressure to fill it.
Final Thoughts
If you’re asking yourself how to deal with grief, know that it’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up, one day at a time, with gentle curiosity toward your emotions. Life after loss isn’t about erasing pain—it’s about finding meaning on the other side of it.
Grief is proof of love. And love, though changed, is never gone.
While friends, family, and personal rituals provide vital support, sometimes professional guidance can offer the extra care needed to navigate grief’s toughest moments. Therapy provides a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies tailored to you. Platforms like Rocket Health make accessing trained grief therapists simple and convenient, letting you connect online from home—so you don’t have to face grief alone.
Remember, reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a brave step toward healing.
